ACT8: The pursuit of Happiness

(Listening to: Suddenly i see- KT Tunstall)

I am feeling blue. Logicaly there should not be a reason for which i should be feeling blue. If i can send myself 5 years back in time and then someone was to offer me the life i have now;I would have grabbed my present life with both hands:

A well paying Respectable Job
Complete Gaming Grandslam (X360, NDS, PSP, oops no ps2 (guess thats french open for me))
Good Friends (Sameer, Evil Guy- they take me for granted but maybe thats how it should happen in friendship)
Good Health (Working out in Gym)

(Listening to: Today has been OK- Emiliana Torrini)

So i am living the perfect life. Now what have i lost that i had 5 years back

A care free life
My Family (Living away from them. Really miss them)
My PC (God it was my soulmate for like ever)

So comparitively my present life is quite Good. So why am i blue today. Nothing very drastic has happened today either.
but
even if a piano would have fallen over me this would have been a perfect day if i would have received a phonecall from a special someone. Thats happiness for you. You can have everything and still have nothing. and than you can have one thing but that is everything.

I guess sometime we ignore the good things in our life (take them for granted) and keep worrying about such aspects of our life which are beyond our control and maybe just maybe not so important. If i was given the option to trade say my eyesight for the phonecall, would i have proceeded. I dont think so. So why am i not happy that i have my eyesight? maybe because i have taken it for granted.

(Listening to: Nothing in my way- Keane)

And i am blue because of something which is beyond my control (I can't force the phonecall). Again spiritually if i really believe in God i should not be feeling blue. For something thats beyond my control will be corrected by God Himself.

So i have logically proven from the above discussion that i should not be feeling blue. However, i am still blue. And now i know the reason why? The reason is that i am a coward. I have stupid fears. Often we fear the losing or gaining of that thing which has eluded us the most. like if someone has seen a lot of misery due to poverty once that someone will get money, the fear of losing that money will be immense. I fear losing or gaining something that has always eluded me in mysterious ways (not to mention in gory ways: Olive Garden Anyone). Something that to me is true happiness because i have everything else available.

(Listening to: A small Measure of Peace - OST The Last Samurai )

It doesn't take courage to live in this world but it takes a lot of courage to live happily. Courage to not be a coward and to have trust and to keep believeing. To keep getting up again and again. To keep loving the thorns along with the Roses. To be happy with the things we have and be optimistic for achieveing what we really want. Like the common saying goes whatever doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger. I am feeling somewhat much better maybe because i have just made the phonecall myself.